Winter Inside My Heart

winter love

My friend shared this line to me, but he said this in Tagalog. ‘The weather outside is cold but the weather inside my heart is even colder’. I didn’t get it the first time I heard it though I know this friend is going through a difficult time. I may not know all the details but I feel it with every simple comments he makes.

It made me reflect on my personal struggles and the worries inside my heart. I realized that the coldness may refer to my own stubbornness in making haste decisions or reactions. I recalled how I overreacted about the idea that was thrown at me. I panicked so to speak, which then resulted to my neglect on my worth that God has loudly spoken through the talks and the many wingless angels all around me. They reminded me to see the beauty that God has created in me. But how can my heart be so cold amidst all the warm encouragements I have been receiving?

So I made a decision to block the noise of insecurities and listen to the beautiful voice of God who has promised to supply all of my needs, to guide me in seeing the Godly solutions that He has for me, see Him bigger than my problems and more importantly see myself as significant because He has blessed me with the ability to inspire and help others no matter how messed up and unsuccessful I feel. God has revealed to me that I can bless others in whatever state of life I am in.

How’s that? Can these promises be strong enough to melt the coldness of insecurities inside my heart? You bet it is. Because my God is bigger than all of the problems of the world combined. And because of the warm embrace of my God even the coldest winter inside my heart can melt and will not have the power to block the warmest blessings that awaits me!

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Slow Down

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So it was finally my time time to hear the 2nd talk of the guaranteed series; “Solution”. And much more than i expected, the words of our preacher bro J Yogawin echoed so loud in my heart that I nearly cried even before worship came. What I can’t forget is the verse at the start of the talk.

Proverbs 3:5 ” Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding” So there, I heard and read this so many times. What are you saying Lord this time? You very well know that I am pretty stubborn Lord. So what’s the big message?

Bro J  went on and shared how Moses tried to make a quick solution on his problems that was in Exodus 2:11-13. What Moses did was not a God solution. He tried to put matters into His hands. He wanted an easy way out. 

I tried to process it in my head as I heard that because I know God is telling me something. And I was humble enough to admit that it was my fear of leaving the country and leaving my comfort zone that made me overreact about some idea being thrown at me. As much as it was not a very good idea, it wasn’t also good that I rejected it outright without even explaining my side. Yes the idea was an easy way out, a shortcut but I failed to see that maybe just maybe it was just some idea for me to have a better piece of life.

Then I secretly prayed for my own healing, because in reality it was my pain in the past and my insecurities that has made me fail to see my worth for what it truly is. I remember what my friend and CG head told me, “it wasn’t said because it was meant to hurt you and if you know your worth you just have to say your decision and move forward”.

And God made me realize that if I truly trust Him with His promise, then I should just trustingly work hard in capturing my dreams and there, He will fill the difference and make me victorious. 

Yes I am part of the solution. God wants me to be patient as I work hard and wait. Because more often that not, my impatience is a result of many more problems than solutions. God wants me to see Him bigger than the biggest problem that I can invent. God wants me to see that my problems are irrelevant because I have a purpose. He wants me to focus not on my problem but on my purpose. I should never forget that I am God’s creation and that God has already planned a bright future ahead of me.

We may not receive our answers at the same time, but we can be sure that we will receive our answers in God’s perfect time. 

So my big message for this night is to be patient; especially with myself. Because 99% of the time God is never in a hurry. He wants me to develop a character that is attuned to His great love. He wants me continually see the beautiful and victorious princess He created in me so I will always remember my worth so I won’t sell myself short.

My God wants me to give my best because I am about to enjoy the best of the best things I can ever think of. Greater things that He has already promised and is meant to happen in my life.

And it’s never late to open up to God and His promises. So that’s what I am doing now. I’m getting ready to be a blessing and receive more blessings. Amen!

 

I Declare I’ll Love Life!

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Had a long day yesterday which started by waking up at 5am to be able to meet my friend at 6am for us to go to the early call time for food committee servant on this year’s LOJ (Light of Jesus) annual leader’s assembly. I always have a hard time waking up that early but I was amazed I was able to achieve it and enjoyed the early morning chat and laugh with my friend. I was overwhelmed by the number of leaders who attended. 

The theme Armed and Dangerous was really something. Seeing our founder Bro Bo Sanchez and all the builders in military outfit really is a beautiful sight to see. Serving the morning snacks and lunch for all these awesome army of God is the highlight of my morning. What I can’t forget is the words of Bro Bo, that really caught my attention. That we are called to love, even if these people are hurting us. Which reminded me of an incident that happened barely 2 weeks ago. I realized that i should not harbor negative feelings over my sibling who only thinks well for my future. That I should just say my piece, move forward and continue loving life. Because I know that if I want to be a blessing to other people especially those that God has called me to serve with, I should be able to allow God to hold my hand, heal my heart and empower my spirit. That’s what my LOJ family has done and I guess will continue to do to me.

Armed with God’s love, my day continued as I attend our Singles Encounter batch 7 general assembly at the Ascension of our Lord Parish in Paranaque. I thought I will be late but was thankful that I was early. Had to admit, if I wasn’t armed that morning I would have lost my patience and feel bad waiting for a couple of hours. But when my batch mates and our shepherds started coming, smile and happiness won me over and the waiting was worth it. 

I was moved to share how I picture Jesus’ humility and how He called us to love the way He has loved. And soon after my batch mates started pouring their hearts out and I silently prayed for them. I know that Nothing just Happens. I was part of this batch for a reason and I choose to be a blessing and a source of love. 

Finally it was time to leave, not to head home but to DBP Village for Kinect to Connect fellowship night of the Feast Alabang Singles Ministry. My CG mate Aaron and I was asked to be the emcee for that night! Hiding my nervousness I tried my best to be funny and connect with all the singles around which includes our feast builder J Yogawin.

It was a night filled with laughter and a night of revelation of dancing talents and determination. I just loved the experience of being able to serve them this way. More to come I hope! And receiving affirmation from my CG Head Francis and the Singles Ministry Head Velden; I can say that this is way of serving I would always love to do. 

I can say that my day was indeed long and tiring but having a love tank that overflows is more than a reward for me. I am sure that my week will definitely be filled with smile and good vibes!

But even if I was tired I chose to join some of my batch mates and 2 of our shepherds for a late night bonding over coffee, cake and chips! I was able to finally end my misery of thinking of how to make up and rekindle the bond I have with that person. I was able to see, that all i needed to do was move forward and continue to love. After all, we all have our share of weaknesses and misconceptions most of the time. But the friendship and love will definitely win should you allow God’s spirit to take over!

Indeed my weekend is a weekend filled with God’s love channeled through the love of community, friends and family. And I choose to declare that I will do my best to be more loving, more patient and more open to the blessings God has in store for me this week.

I’m ready to love life even more!

 

 

Beautiful while waiting!

waiting-for-my-love-peggy-marsI never imagined I will receive the kind of compliments and affirmation I have been receiving lately. Friends, co servants and even colleagues at work seem to notice a different aura they are all beginning to love. They would compliment my new red and short hair; my simple make up; my good mood and good vibes!

I’m amazed Lord! How can you transform me like that amidst all the many trials around me? How can I always wear a smile on my face even if there’s still pain deep within me. How can I shudder with the thought of what this year has in store for me? How can my heart be filled with extraordinary joy every time i pray that special prayer for my dream of finding my one true love…the hand i claim to hold.

Well I can’t think of anything other than the kind of relationship I have been trying to build with you Lord. Maybe, oh not maybe I’m pretty certain that if i continue to focus on loving you and living each day with this love i will share with other people… I know my love tank will always be full. And if my love tank is full; I’ll carry the sweetest smile every day and people will see the beauty of it. That I will be your tangible expression of Your great love for the people around me.

Lord, I love you and thank you for loving the imperfect me. Because with your love; people no longer see my imperfections but the beautiful person you have created me to be.

I still have a long way this year but I wanna thank you in credit and thank you this early. The simple joy of being an instrument to share the good news of your love is an extraordinary feeling and it’s the best gift given to me this New Year!

You never fail to give me reasons to pick myself up and move forward in life. Lord, please hold my hand as I wait for your surprises and for the greater things in store for me this year!

Claiming this to be my banner year!  I will continue to be the best version of myself because i know the best is yet to come!

Thank you again Lord for making me beautiful while waiting!

Holding Hands

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To the hand I am meant to hold…To the one I have waited for so long…To the one who’s worth the heartaches, disappointment, and the agony of waiting. Only two words…Thank you.

You see I am writing this on credit, yes long before you really hold my hand i have already thanked God for He let you find me. That He allowed my heart to not grow weary and continue to trust Him that He is writing our love story.

Before i thought I have to find you on my own, only to end up getting hurt and disappointed. I then tried to look for answers and do the extra mile of knowing what I can do on my part. Yes, i need to wait but what do i do while waiting for you? What if you don’t come? God smiled at me and said, “my precious one, he is just near..so do not stop and grew tired while waiting. because he is also waiting for the right time when he will finally find you”

For some magical reasons that set my heart at peace. I go out of my way to set myself free of the hurts and pains from my past. Free of the insecurities and doubts. Because when the day when you will finally see me, i know I am free to do what I have always dreamt of doing. To love and care for you with the best I can offer.

I continued my journey even if you are still no where in sight and our future looks uncertain, i can’t help but hold on. Because God has already made a promise to those who call unto Him and God’s promises never fails. He will see me through!

But it is a fun journey waiting for you. I am beautifully doing so. You are the best gift ever and now that I am finally holding your hand and looking at those precious smiles in your eyes. I continue to say, you are amazing and I promise to love you with the kind of love that my God has given me.

Random moments

I can’t sleep so I decided to open may laptop and start writing..whew, what will I write? Maybe will just think aloud….

As I write this, I still am at a loss for words on what to tell someone really close to my heart. I grew up trying to at least keep up with her but sadly I can’t. But I am aware that partly i am to blame because i harbored this feeling for a long time. I know my worth and I know that all of these are meant for me to have a better future. But i fail sometimes and tend to forget that God has a great promise for me and that he has called me by name to do greater things.

Yesterday i was able to write a reflection for the feast talk series called Guaranteed! And the first talk really made me cry buckets of tears. I was assured that there is no shortage in God and even if I think my resources doesn’t match my dreams i often forget and think otherwise.

But our God is a faithful God. He doesn’t want us to feel bad and disappointed. Because if God is not answering you prayer; be ready He is brewing something better…

So continue holding on to that dream, put in what you can and God will supply the difference.

God is faithful. God’s love never fails and never gives up on me; so i will continue to do my best and shine!

Nothing Just Happens….Greater things are coming my way!

Thankful and Hopeful!

“Something great is going to happen to me this very day, this very year”

As I look back on my 2012 blessings, one of the best I can remember is to be able to see that service is not all about glamour and being in the front row. My best experience this year is to be able to serve as the personal assistant to the mentor of bro Bo Sanchez, Mike Joseph Jr. Having a close encounter with him made me realize that you have to focus on your relationship with God and not on the service that you do. I learned a lot from him especially in making my life like a constant prayer because as I do it, I am changed.  My life last year was like a roller coaster ride; it’s not all fun and laughter yet as I shed tears I learned to see my own value and see that I am a champion in the eyes of my God and He created me to be a miracle worker.

Last year, I was given the chance to write for the feast bulletin and share my thoughts that has blessed me so much. The moment I said yes, I saw how God has empowered me and humbled me to just focus on the kind of love He has for me that gives life to the thoughts in my heart which allowed me to be an instrument to share God’s word.

I was able to enjoy an awesome caring group which has allowed me to meet beautiful wounded healers like me who helped me see the beauty of embracing the imperfections of each other and set myself free from the bondage of my own insecurities.

I have felt God’s embrace in each and every person I have encountered in and outside the feast and my Light of Jesus Family.

And having a love tank that overflows; I can’t help but be hopeful and see that the rest of my life will be the best days of my life.  I look forward to more breakthroughs and miracles revealed this 2013.  I will give my best as I wait for God’s best surprise to me this year!

Greater things are happening, and all I have to do is be open & continue to be amazed on how powerful God can used me for His greater glory!!!!