When you know you’re weakness; you are vulnerable to God’s Grace.
I was confident that I will no longer cry or at least not feel guilty for I have been hearing this message for the past week. I was wrong. The moment the worship during ministry time started, I cried like crazy. Mixed emotions. I didn’t know where the tears came from. Why there’s so much fear in my heart that time.
Earlier, one of the speaker said this; “where God guides, He provides”. So there, I figured out one of the reasons why I was scared and crying. I know I just said Yes to a different level of service; and it scares me when it finally sinked in. The ball is now on me and I have to play my best because I know they are counting on me. Just when I am comfortable being assistant, God called me to level up.
Some may say it’s easy as dancing has been my core gift and my passion. But being a ministry head is a whole new story. Just when you have issues with yourself and in all areas of your life. When you are trying to ask God if He wants you to pursue a career outside the country; when you are trying to discern your state of life and what this year will bring to you. God drops the bomb and calls you to lead.
Whoa! Lord you really are a God of surprises. I know I prayed for level up in my service but I didn’t see it coming this early. But just like the phrase I mentioned earlier. I know where You have guided me; You will provide. You will provide the time and the courage to give up something if I needed to. To get out of my comfort zone and make that BIG stretch in me.
Then I remember what my CG Head and friend said once; “I will just go where God summons me”. Short yet powerful statement. And I never forget that statement until now. So Yes Lord I am doing it afraid.
I am afraid because I love you and all those you are putting under my care. I don’t wanna fail in loving them because of my weakness. But this special talk opened my eyes and my heart to the shocking reality.
My weakness will give birth to perfection. Because as I acknowledge my weaknesses; I am making myself vulnerable to your grace O God. Your grace which I don’t even have to ask and I don’t deserve because of my sinfulness. But your love never fails and is never gonna give up on me. So here Lord bless me, use me and my woundedness…may my broken heart and spirit be used to minister and bless others.
Lord make me see my real purpose and to follow your will. Make my heart be bold enough to love amidst all the pain and the uncertainty. May I realize that it’s not about me but about your goodness Oh God.
I surrender to you now whatever fear and doubts I have in myself. Yes I may do it differently but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it for your greater glory.
Just like what a good friend shared through a song:
“Invading all my weakness
You wrapped me up in grace
The worst of me succeeded by the best of You”
Lord I know I’m weak but you continually wrapped me in Your grace and allow me to claim victory for you. I’ll make this my mantra as well..The worst of me succeeded by the best of You. After all, it’s all about You Lord and not me. AMEN.