People know me as a wacky and loud person. I crack jokes and I laugh a lot especially when I’m with friends. But recently I choose not to talk and say a word? Why? I honestly can’t give you a valid answer. I just can’t.
There was a time when a friend told me I was too proud to realize how much I am loved despite the wounds I have in the past. I tried hard to digest that which ended up affecting the people around me. I tried to look for answers and ended up reading the book that same friend asked me to read.
Since that fateful night; wounds of the past started to surpass again making me realize how wounded I am as a little girl and even until now. I know that I am loved because I have friends who accepted me and my painful and dark past. But because I am not good in explaining myself and for the many times I choose not to say anything I know I have hurt some people who are closest to me now. Some hurting like me.
Lord I am writing to you today as my mind is paralyzed and my heart so broken. I don’t wanna hurt people because of my pain. I wanna choose to love but please please show me how.
I know I haven’t really listened to you and tried my best to find the answers on my own. But Father, more than anyone I know I needed to surrender everything to you. Break my silence. Break the chains of all the unexplainable pains. I belong to you and I wanna be with you. Please hold my hand and let me remember that Your love is more than enough to break me free from all of these. Amen