Captivating

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Captivating – To attract and hold by charm, beauty, or excellence..

This definition came from google and I definitely agree. But this word had a different meaning after I read a book with the same title. Yes, I had to admit I am tempted to go back to each and every chapter which has allowed me to journey back to the time when I was a little girl; the times when I had to battle the pains of  insecurity, feeling of being unwanted; feeling of not being good enough. For the longest time; I never understood why I wasn’t close to my parents like my siblings. I never  knew why I was so clingy and insecure.

I can vividly recall that fateful night when a friend asked me if I had issues with men and even if I didn’t want to admit; I said Yes. Then he asked me to read that book. I saw how my pain came to life again; but afterwards I also saw that i was never alone all this time. Even in times when people walked out on me When people chose to leave me despite my desperate efforts to keep them with me. I saw and I have felt God’s embrace as I journey to the reality that it was God who has held me all along. He held me even in times when I have chosen to let go of His hand and wander on my own. He is and will always be my number one fan, cheering me on even in my smallest victories and comforting me in my deepest pains.

Yes, I am His princess and I am beautiful in His eyes.That’s why even if I fell short of what He created me to be; I know I have a lifetime to try again and allow Him to hold my hand, romance me; hug me especially when I feel so alone and lonely.

I know I still have to do some catching up with God; my ever loving fan; friend and also a father who will not stop reminding me that I should see myself as His precious one and that I deserve only the best. The one He is now preparing and carefully leading to find me. Someone who’s in love with Him as much as I wanted to be. Someone who will make me realize that it was through God’s love that we have found each other and It will be God who will be our constant companion.

God knows my heart because He chose to court me all my life, and even if I may fail; I will choose to let Him hold my hand until that time when that other hand He is also holding is ready to join mine. And when that time comes; God will smile and say; “my precious ones; I will continue to hold you; don’t be afraid. I will never let Go.”

Sweet? that’s God and that’s the reason why even in my lowest moments; i can still manage to smile; serve and dance with Joy..Because I know and I declare; my God says I am beautiful and Yes, I am Captivating!

 

 

 

 

 

My Cry For Help

girl crying

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog. I barely write status updates too lately. I have to say I kinda miss writing and sharing my unspoken thoughts. But the thing is, I made a vow to limit posting negative thoughts and emotions until today.

I wanted to cry and ask all of you to pray for me. I dunno where my pain is coming from or why am i so sensitive lately. Is it because I’m insecure, no.I know I’m worth it and You have a great plan for me. Is it because i am drowning in my workload and I dunno where to get money to pay whatever they claim we need to pay. Is it because i feel there’s injustice and the results of the recent elections all the more confirmed it. We need a miracle with the kind of leaders we have elected to office for the next 6 years. Again we prove that while more people became responsible and educated voters, the majority still listens to name recall. Hence we have a Pnoy right?

But no, honestly i just wanna let you know i wanna feel you again. Yes, I am to blame.I don’t get to talk to you often. I choose to give in to my selfish desires. My desire to run away and live a life outside my home country. My desire to say yes to service. My desire to find that one true love. My desire to be seen as Captivating. A rare find. A gem worth leaving everything else behind. A princess worth any battle..A love worth fighting for.

Yes that’s the truth. I have deliberately forgotten Your promise. Your assurance through my angels here on earth. That GREATER things are coming and that my miracles are coming!

Lord sorry, but You know it’s so hard to smile when things around you starts to crumble. When all my efforts are not enough. But I guess I can’t hide anything from you. No matter how inadequate or useless I feel, You never fail to remind me how great your love is for me. How bright the future you have prepared for me.

Lord this is me crying for help. This is me saying I so need your hug and assurance. This is me declaring I trust you out loud! I dare to dream again and go back to the battlefield of life, ready to get hurt and ready to be victorious.

Let’s do this Lord, please continue to hold my hand. Thank you for saying, Welcome Home My beautiful princess. Come share your father’s joy. Amen!