Captivating – To attract and hold by charm, beauty, or excellence..
This definition came from google and I definitely agree. But this word had a different meaning after I read a book with the same title. Yes, I had to admit I am tempted to go back to each and every chapter which has allowed me to journey back to the time when I was a little girl; the times when I had to battle the pains of insecurity, feeling of being unwanted; feeling of not being good enough. For the longest time; I never understood why I wasn’t close to my parents like my siblings. I never knew why I was so clingy and insecure.
I can vividly recall that fateful night when a friend asked me if I had issues with men and even if I didn’t want to admit; I said Yes. Then he asked me to read that book. I saw how my pain came to life again; but afterwards I also saw that i was never alone all this time. Even in times when people walked out on me When people chose to leave me despite my desperate efforts to keep them with me. I saw and I have felt God’s embrace as I journey to the reality that it was God who has held me all along. He held me even in times when I have chosen to let go of His hand and wander on my own. He is and will always be my number one fan, cheering me on even in my smallest victories and comforting me in my deepest pains.
Yes, I am His princess and I am beautiful in His eyes.That’s why even if I fell short of what He created me to be; I know I have a lifetime to try again and allow Him to hold my hand, romance me; hug me especially when I feel so alone and lonely.
I know I still have to do some catching up with God; my ever loving fan; friend and also a father who will not stop reminding me that I should see myself as His precious one and that I deserve only the best. The one He is now preparing and carefully leading to find me. Someone who’s in love with Him as much as I wanted to be. Someone who will make me realize that it was through God’s love that we have found each other and It will be God who will be our constant companion.
God knows my heart because He chose to court me all my life, and even if I may fail; I will choose to let Him hold my hand until that time when that other hand He is also holding is ready to join mine. And when that time comes; God will smile and say; “my precious ones; I will continue to hold you; don’t be afraid. I will never let Go.”
Sweet? that’s God and that’s the reason why even in my lowest moments; i can still manage to smile; serve and dance with Joy..Because I know and I declare; my God says I am beautiful and Yes, I am Captivating!