One of the days I felt that being single really sucked is when I can’t have someone to share the frustrations a bad day brings. Back then, I always ask myself what’s wrong and what I have done for me to end up facing most of the problems I had alone. I drowned in self pity and my self worth was crushed even more.
I cry most of the time praying that God take away that feeling and make me wake up one day that I am like the other girls around. But God has done far better than what i have been praying for. Instead of a man who will sweep me off my feet and hold my hands, He sends people who journeyed with me until I finally see what I do need in my single life at the moment.
I happen to meet an extraordinary guy who inspired me the very moment I saw and hear him speak. His gifts has drawn me to listen more, and later on rekindle my loving and personal relationship with God.
My highschoolish crushing lead me to meet wonderful friends and co servants, it lead me attending retreats and talks that changed my life even more. It pushed me to discover talents I never thought I had in me. Who would have thought i can act in front of 3 thousand plus people who came to be blessed By God. And I received a pretty good number of compliments from people, some of them I barely know. But the best part of it is that I myself was blessed in that experience.
But one of most unexplainable blessings happen one fateful night of a retreat to culminate a leaders teaching called Foundations Course. I came to that retreat feeling all stressed up with so many issues at work and in ministry. I made a decision that weekend that I will make the most out of that experience. After my confession, the priest told me that i pray that God allow me to recall what the underlying emotion is behind all the stress I am having the past weeks. He told me I needed to do something that night which I may have forgotten to do for the longest time.
As I was praying, God revealed to me that He wanted me to let go of the hatred I have with myself that I have kept secret and began to deny to make me believe I have moved on from the pains of my past. As I was looking at a dark cloud slowly moving away, God whispered to my heart that I need to surrender everything to Him because He came to take away all the hurts that is blocking all His graces, miracles and healing that He has been giving me all these years.
I was ashamed and I cried telling God how i longed for that healing He has been promising me and i said sorry because that day I realized that I was the one who chose not to receive them.
But my favorite message came a little later during my reflection time. As I pray and recall incidents in my past, my favorite image suddenly came forward and I began asking God why? Why is he suddenly coming into the picture? Every single encounter, every single meeting and yes, even the weird and crazy kilig moments that only me perhaps remembers.
God again whispered a special message to me, He told me that He orchestrated the time when I started to crush on that special guy. He allowed me to get attracted and drawn to this guy for me to see later on what God really wanted for me.That He wanted me to see my real worth, to appreciate my own beauty, to find joy in waiting and to trust and hope that true love is real. It may take awhile and he may come a little late, but truth is I already have the best lover and fan in God that no guy can ever come close to. God can romance me everyday if I only ask Him and open my eyes and my heart to the wonders of His blessings hidden in the most ordinary things in life.
Yes. I have felt that being single sucks, but God has always been with me in my journey even in all the disappointments I have been through. So even if it sucks, God made me see the blessings behind it. I am single and I AM happy!